SORROW & JOY - MAGIC & LOSS
My brother's death has touched my heart and entered my spirit like nothing in this world ever has. I am inspired and destroyed at the same time, strengthened and delivered like I have been born again, yet there is a new emptiness, a vast, cold darkness that will never be illuminated again. There will always be a void that can only be filled by Gary and there is a safety that I will never know again.
I have been anointed in sorrow, absolute sorrow and disbelief. Yet still, as much as I understand, as imprinted as my soul will forever be with the vision of his four young sons and my two surviving brothers carrying his casket to his grave site, as much as my rational mind can comprehend, I can't have my brother be gone. I can't have Gary be dead. I need to bring him back, I need to have him here with me, with us, so we won't have to know how our world could possibly go on without him. I need to resurrect him so I can see him again, so I can prove to myself that he really was here, that he really was the man that we knew, the small boy I adored, that one person who made all the difference in the world, that you knew only came around once in a lifetime.
I have no magic, no way to change what happened, but I do have words. I have words, I have memories and I have a reason to tell Gary's story, a way to bring him back and hold on to him as long as those words allow. May God give me the strength to do him the justice and awe he so deserves.
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